


Too Late

by Vasser



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Emotional Breaking, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Trauma, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Self-Blame, Trauma, Unhappy Ending, past affects the future, past mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29985273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vasser/pseuds/Vasser
Summary: Blanca has heard from Sing that Yut-Lung has made a remarkable recovery over the past few years, and he considers that it may finally be time for the two of them to reconcile.As if such a thing could be that easy.
Relationships: Blanca/Lee Yut-Lung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to another episode of 'I like writing sad shit'! 😂
> 
> Seriously though, oops. This is 100% heartbreak and 100% self-indulgent sad post-canon exploration!
> 
> I love this ship so much and it breaks my heart to write such a sad ending for them but you know, angst just works so well for this fandom and I just wanted to experiment with how things might work out years down the line after Yue got better and realised his past mostakes with Sing's help.
> 
> Without further ado, I thank you if you take the time to read and I hope you enjoy x
> 
> ~ Much love, Vasser x 💓

"Why are you here?"

Yut-Lung sounded infinitely calmer and more composed than the last time he had seen him, though his voice still had an obvious cold undercurrent. Not that it was a hard feat, last time they had been in the same room the Chinese man had been a sloppy and emotional drunken mess. He had been so young back then, so angry and wild and unable to control himself... Seeing the man he had managed to become made Blanca feel just a little proud of him.

"You've cut your hair. It suits you," the larger man complimented politely, hoping to make some civil conversation and keep everything calm. Who knew whether this lethal panther still had the embers of his temper burning deep down.

For a moment the taller male could have sworn the Chinese man's dark eyes lit up in fury. If they did then Yue did a good job of quickly pulling his own leash and draining the emotion from those eyes. He supposed it had been too optimistic to expect things to go well, someone so good at reading people should have known better. Despite his dramatic improvement in mastering himself over the years his ex-employer and ex-lover was still the same brash wounded animal at heart.

"I said why the hell are you here, Sergei?" The question came out as a growl this time, a low warning that Yut-Lung Lee was not going to be taking any unnecessary crap from him. Lovely.

Letting loose a soft sigh, the retired assassin took a seat across from the younger man. Nothing in him had expected this to be easy; he came into this room well aware that his former lover was far from forgiving. What he didn't expect was to find it so hard to face that hostility. Blanca had pissed the younger man off plenty of times before, but he had never been on the receiving end of his undiluted hatred. 

It wasn't a nice feeling.

How could he possibly explain what he was doing here? The assassin realised too late that he hadn't really even thought it through. Ever since Blanca left to the Caribbean the plan had been to return one day once Yut-Lung had mellowed out and matured. Foolish. Utterly foolish. Had he really just expected to leave the way he dis and then suddenly place himself back into the fold one day? Really, someone such as himself should have been far smarter than that. What was he supposed to say?

"I suppose I was being a fool," the elder male said as he let loose a defeated chuckle. "All I can do is ask for your forgiveness for leaving the way I did." Blanca paused for a moment, taking in his former employer's perfect posture and disinterested expression. Something about it suddenly felt wrong, as if this was real rather than a mask Yue was wearing; as if the boy really couldn't feel anything at all. Only the earlier display of anger stopped the assassin's heart from freezing in his chest.

Silence pulsed aggressively in the room. Yut-Lung Lee didn't so much as blink, staying stock still as he stared into Blanca's very soul with that same intense assessing stare he had been wearing nearly whole time. Part of Sergei was starting to wonder whether the Chinese man had really gotten any better. Maybe he was more broken than he ever had been... Finally, he seemed to realise that Blanca wasn't going to say anything else and the younger man narrowed his eyes by the smallest fraction, the only emotional expression he would offer.

"What makes you think I could ever forgive you?"

The words stung and in perfect honesty he hadn't been expecting such a complete dismissal. Things had been such a mess years ago, but he thought that time and maturity would make Yut-Lung more self-aware. The taller man had thought that the younger would realise with improvement that Ash Lynx had been doing the best thing possible in that situation all that time ago, and would forgive Blanca for supporting the lynx's attempts to take down such a corrupt man and dangerous substance.

Maybe the hurt had shown on his face despite how carefully he had tried to mask it, because finally Yue's fury became more visible. 

"I don't know why you're making such a face. Are you so self-absorbed that you really thought you could show up after all these years and get what you wanted?"

His dainty fingers and knuckles were turning bloodless from how tightly he had his fists clenched. 

"Yue , I thought-"

"Don't you call me that!" 

With a sudden surge of passion he yelled straight in his ex-lover's face, and for the first time since arriving Blanca could hear every ounce of hurt and pain still present in the young Chinese male's soul. To live in such heartache seemed so impossible... Had his siding with Ash really caused so much damage that Yue could no longer stand being called something so familiar by him?

"... I'm sorry. I didn't realising that siding with Ash and helping his mission would hurt you so permanently," the Kazakh man said in the softest voice he could manage. Tension rippled in the room before the smaller man suddenly slammed his fists down on the desk once, hard enough to send some pieces of paper fluttering to the ground.

"You blind ignorant old fucker! You oblivious piece of shit! All these years, all this time, and you still think that everything revolves around Ash Lynx," Yut-Lung hissed hatefully as he tried to still his trembling hands. Blanca could barely stomach being talked to like this by someone he still loved so... "I understand why you helped Ash Lynx! He was in the right trying to destroy something with the potential to be so globally devastated, and I was wrong to try and stop him! I was wrong for trying to take Eiji away from him in a childish fit of jealousy! Ash Lynx is someone I forgave and apologised to a very long time ago!"

The assassin actually swallowed nervously at that, knowing full well that he was not at all going to like whatever was said next. This could be signing his own death warrant, but he had to ask.

"You can forgive Ash... Why not me?"

The venom is those beautiful dark eyes could kill him all on its own. 

"You abandoned me," the Chinese man stated accusingly, an overabundance of emotion lacing his words. "I lost myself, I lost my mind. I turned to drink and dove head-first into a pit of self-destruction that could have killed me. And you left. I loved you so much, I loved you even though I couldn't express it in any sort of healthy way at the time, and you claimed to love me too, but the second I started to struggle the most you packed your bags and disappeared back into your retirement without so much as saying goodbye."

Suddenly, as tears of devastation finally started to fall down Yue's soft cheeks, the truth of the situation hit Sergei and guilt swallowed him whole. He had the nerve - the audacity - to come into Yue's home and ask his forgiveness when he knew now that if the positions had been reversed that he would never be able to offer forgiveness. The fact that Blanca hadn't been shot the second he entered the office was testament to the fact that Yut-Lung held onto the remnants of what they had even now, because he knew the younger man well enough to know that if he felt nothing but hatred that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot.

Something deep within the larger man's chest fractured as he realised that he had lost his second chance at having a someone's heart not because of any of the fucked up situation they had been in, but because he had been broken and hadn't put any effort into fixing himself enough to do right by Yut-Lung. He wanted nothing more than to get on his knees and apologise to him obsessively. Emotions he hadn't felt in so long came into his chest, and even though his ex-lover was still very much alive he couldn't help but compare this to the pain he felt when Natasha died. 

Blanca deserved all of that pain.

"Yut-Lung, I..." Trailing off, he realised he had no way to explain why he had done what he did; why he had abandoned someone so young and vulnerable no matter their past. For the life of him, he couldn't even remember whether he had considered the possibility that Yut-Lung might need him. That made him feel worse.

"I have no more words for you, and I don't want to hear whatever you have to say," the Chinese boy whispered quietly as he finally ran his hands through his now-short hair in an expression of soul-deep exhaustion. "It's far too late to apologise, so just save us both all the melodrama and bullshit and leave."

Yut-Lung had broken down after he killed his brothers. Such a young teenager had fallen into insanity and alcoholism trying to fill the hole in his chest where nothing but anger used to be, and he had been forced to crawl out mostly by himself with some help from Sing because Blanca hadn't been there to make the climb out easier on him. The assassin had shown Yue the beginnings of love and had given up on it the moment it got too hard. No, there was no space for him in the young man's life or heart anymore, and there never would be again.

"Give my best to Sing. I'm truly sorry."

Only now did the Kazakh realise that when he came here he carried a fragile hope within him that maybe he could earn forgiveness. That tiny kernel of feeling had been thoroughly crushed by his own past actions, and everything within him had frozen. Without waiting to be told a second time Blanca showed himself out of the Lee mansion and out of America once again, his heart once again incapable of feeling anything but hurt.


End file.
